“A brother offended is harder to win over than a fortified city, And contentions [separating families] are like the bars of a castle.” Proverbs 18:19 AMP

Today we are reminded about how important it is to be honest and true with each other. The word brother here is simply not referring to our blood relationship, but it includes those who are the closest to us. While it is true that the deeper a relationship gets, the easier it is to step on a landmine! The reality is though it should be the opposite! If we truly know one and other, then we should be slow to “assume” things that are contrary to what we know about that person. It is amazing how easily we can change course when we hear things or perceive things that may not be true! What is true about our verse is the reality that deeper the relationship, the more pain it can cause when damaged. Hence, “…an offended brother is harder to win back than a fortified city!” 

Cities in those days were constructed to be impenetrable and defend against an enemy. They were designed to take shelter in and close ranks around one another. Our emotions operate in a very similar way. When we are attacked or offended, we seek to surround ourselves with those who are most likely to agree with us. As they reinforce our feelings, we grow further and further apart from facing the pain and trauma of the event. One of the first things I learned as a paramedic was that wounds need to be cleaned as soon as possible! The longer the debris stays in the wound, the greater the likelihood of a serious infection starting and may end even in death. How ironic is that? Because we are not willing to deal with the debris that cause the wound, we may end up causing our own death! 

Cleaning out wounds is not a fun experience. It is generally painful as many of you may remember pouring iodine or mercurochrome on an open wound you received as a kid! It is the same in the emotional realm. After an offence, the last thing we want to do is relive or review the situation. The only way however to move on is to do exactly that. The question is simply do we want to salvage the relationship or continue to justify why we are angry or hurt? 

As Jesus hung on the cross, pain and anguish filled His body. Did He say at that point, “Forget this! The result of sin in man’s life brought them to this place so let them wallow in their destruction!” NO! Of course not! His words were very different,

“And Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” And they cast lots, dividing His clothes among themselves.”

John 23:34 AMP

Do you see it? It wasn’t after it all happened that He said that but right in the middle of the offense as they were casting lots for His cloths! That my friends is the example of dealing with offense! Remember these words?

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of [a]witnesses [who by faith have testified to the truth of God’s absolute faithfulness], stripping off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and cleverly entangles us, let us run with endurance and active persistence the race that is set before us, 2[looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of faith [the first incentive for our belief and the One who brings our faith to maturity], who for the joy [of accomplishing the goal] set before Him endured the cross, [b]disregarding the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God [revealing His deity, His authority, and the completion of His work]. 3Just consider and meditate on Him who endured from sinners such bitter hostility against Himself [consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3 AMP

WOW! “…let us run with endurance and active persistence the race that is set before us…” Sobering words indeed. I want to encourage you today to not let offenses keep you locked in a fortress! The only one suffering at that point is you! I am in no way condoning the actions of those who might bring offense in our lives. Horrible and traumatic things have happened to many. The Apostle Paul reminded us that your offenses can become a point of your greatest strength.

“Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5For just as Christ’s sufferings are ours in abundance [as they overflow to His followers], so also our comfort [our reassurance, our encouragement, our consolation] is abundant through Christ [it is truly more than enough to endure what we must].  

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 AMP

Don’t let the bars of anger and hurt imprison you. Let the peace that passes understanding guard you mind and heart so that you may continue the good work to which you are called! Have a blessed day, Pastor Ken